tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post5798343254394030688..comments2024-03-25T22:38:36.313-07:00Comments on Narcissistic Parents!!!: The Elderly Narcissistic Parent DilemmaNinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00794686686970512454noreply@blogger.comBlogger93125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-12947486945627567072024-02-16T03:48:53.860-08:002024-02-16T03:48:53.860-08:00My sentiments exactly .. how might I get an update...My sentiments exactly .. how might I get an update on the books ? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-44877303592739311782023-12-31T05:27:09.005-08:002023-12-31T05:27:09.005-08:00This is a conversation about narcissistic parents....This is a conversation about narcissistic parents. We who are survivors wrack our heads to try to find solutions to a basically unsolvable problem. Maybe you don’t understand that any term of respect or endearment in addressing a narcissistic parent can feed their grandiose and arrogant spirits? Of course it is normal to call parents Ma/Mum, Dad/Papa, etc! but having narcissistic parents is not normal in any way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-38256686750786636512023-10-06T04:10:35.677-07:002023-10-06T04:10:35.677-07:00My sympathies for your struggle. I’m hoping my da...My sympathies for your struggle. I’m hoping my dad dies soon. The narc is 87. I want no part of his care. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-42018127282875659022023-10-06T04:08:12.486-07:002023-10-06T04:08:12.486-07:00People with decent parents cannot even conceptuali...People with decent parents cannot even conceptualize what people with narcissistic parents do. So very fortunate….Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-44282555832642596812015-12-31T07:52:51.704-08:002015-12-31T07:52:51.704-08:00Touche! I am sick and tired of people saying to me...Touche! I am sick and tired of people saying to me "But she's your mother,she gave birth to you". My gerbils gave birth but at least one of the narcissist parents had the decency to eat them.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17342106574372105742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-52749478193298091702015-08-15T17:42:55.344-07:002015-08-15T17:42:55.344-07:00My maternal grandma was an alcoholic abuser (beati... My maternal grandma was an alcoholic abuser (beating them up) of her husband and children. Yet she was always coddled and supported by my dear grandpa but would still belittle and make nasty comments about him and all her family as well. She now is 87 years old and lanquishes like a vegetable in expensive assisted living, while being afflicted with dementia. Her youngest daughter is now her Guardian and has basically cut off my mother and my mother's side of the family from visiting the old tyrant. My grandma is considerably wealthy and my mother will at least inherit money along with her siblings when the old lady finally dies. I know this may sound cold the way I have put it, but my grandmother was always only concerned with herself being taken care of, and had plenty of money to not only do so, but to also help out her family who struggled through hard times. She didn't give a shit, though. She didn't even cry when her husband of 59 years died! She was too emotionally dead from all the alcoholism and mental illness. As I said, now her rich youngest daughter has full control and has turned the feelings into hardbitten feuding. It takes a toll on everyone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-8646001675574885212015-05-08T17:23:51.329-07:002015-05-08T17:23:51.329-07:00Susan,
Love your husband and your children with al...Susan,<br />Love your husband and your children with all of your might! Help educate your hubby with how a narcissist works. There has sure to have been a battle over attention from your husband. IMHO the reason your Father in Law does not like you is because you probably are not a butt kisser and you do not "edify" him enough. Guess what, that is too bad. My father was an abusive nasty narcissist and my kids cant stand him. Better to have few memories than horrible memories. Learn from my bad experiences, keep them at a distance and do not loose sleep over it. Do you have a kind "cousin Walter" from another side of the family. Better to make that person an honorary grandpa than to subject your kids to a crazy maker.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-22448170408902796612015-04-17T22:51:13.026-07:002015-04-17T22:51:13.026-07:00I LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN AS MY NARCISSTIC FATHER IN...I LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN AS MY NARCISSTIC FATHER IN LAW. I HAVE BECOME FAIRLY GOOD AT IGNORING HIM, BUT MY KIND HUSBAND IS DESPERATELY USED UP BY HIS LESS THAN KIND BEHAVIOR. HE IS 90 AND MY HUSBAND FEELS LIKE HE NEEDS TO HELP HIM, CHECK IN ON HIM, ETC. AND HIS DAD HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT A COMPLETE JERK TO HIS WIFE AND ALL THE KIDS SINCE I MET HIM, ALMOST 40 YEARS AGO! HIS WIFE JUST DIED AND HE CONTINUES TO ABUSE HIS CHILDREN, BUT LOOKS GREAT IN PUBLIC. ANY SUGGESTIONS? SOUNDS LIKE YOU KNOW A LOT. THANK YOU KINDLY, SUSANAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-90790679721560206452015-04-06T10:17:02.458-07:002015-04-06T10:17:02.458-07:00I have been reading everyone's comments in tea...I have been reading everyone's comments in tears, It isn't me, I'm not bad, I'm not crazy, it's all them. My husbands parents have never really liked me, and have done things over the years to hurt, and , embarrasse me, made me feel worthless. My children have never had the joy of grandparents, and as they've grown older the nastiness towards them has got worse. There are now greatgrandchildren involved and all there is, is criticism.Im 63 and exhausted, I have health problems, but none of that matters if they need something. Now my father in law is getting angry and really abusive, keeps telling us we've been lying to him, we haven't? And created a scene at my sons work which has resulted in him being disciplined by his boss. But I think I'm done I'm going to put my health first for a change.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-2958546002362711832014-11-11T22:28:13.997-08:002014-11-11T22:28:13.997-08:00These are such intense stories of childhood pain, ...These are such intense stories of childhood pain, neglect and the lasting confusion of the misfortune to have had an Nparent. My own npd mother is now elderly and expects everyone to play along and continue the one-way street of doing for her. Her insatiable need for admiration drowned out the rights of 4 children to be nurtured, loved, and encouraged which is a parents duty. We were captive to her alcoholism on top of it, further me-centered behavior, inability to give and take. Somehow, my siblings and I grew up to be kind, compassionate people who have each enjoyed lovjng relationships with our own children.<br />Grandma didn't care a whit about the grandkids either, except as accessories to her own status, to parade them in front of even lonelier elderly peers. I knew she simlly could not be trusted with the well-being and safety of my own children, so believe me I never left them alone with her.<br />It has taken me a lifetime to learn this truth: We are not here to rescue emotionally crippled family members from the chaos and misery they generate. We do not have to accept their crap, as our crap. It IS indeed hard to turn away from an elderly family member in that disabled condition, however, they paved to the way to the living hell with every time they chose to neglect, shut-down or mentally abuse their children. We are not meant to sacrifice our own adult lives nor let the dysfunction taint our own families and children..<br />Do only the bare minimum.<br />Dont engage the tantrums, guilt trips or disrespect. Gang up the phone or leave as needed. WE survived the childhood hell and came out ready to give and love the worthy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-56483582428300119792014-10-07T11:59:40.087-07:002014-10-07T11:59:40.087-07:00I'm sick to my stomach right now. I don't ...I'm sick to my stomach right now. I don't know what to do. Everything here sums up my life minus the adoption. In fact i am so stunned about all this information i'm kinda in a fog. I could walk away from my mom right now and never look back.Stunnedintosubmissionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-37759612678277834832014-04-20T19:36:19.946-07:002014-04-20T19:36:19.946-07:00This is the first time I've ever reached out o...This is the first time I've ever reached out online for help but here goes. My mother died a couple years ago and my father remarried less than a year after. My wife and I have not met her and honestly, don't really have any reason to meet her except that she is my dad's new wife. <br /><br />My mom was a wonderful woman but was very much OCD and had to have the best "stuff" there was to offer. She had to make sure our family looked like the best family out there. My dad worked hard to provide for us and was a typical father. No physical abuse or anything.<br /><br />Now that he's remarried he has admitted to being an alcoholic but won't go to any AA meetings (he can do it on his own). I saw him today for the first time in over 2 years. He looks good but his mental health is off. He says he has TGA and takes medicine for it. However upon researching it there is no cure for it and it's pretty much a one time ordeal. In other words, he's not telling me the whole story and won't. <br /><br />He doesn't care for my wife anymore because she had called him after my mother died to let him know that his decisions were having a horrible impact on my kids and myself. The call turned into a shouting match and that was the last time they spoke. He called my aunt (my moms sister) and told on her. He called my only sibling, my sister, and told her. Now my sister wants nothing to do with my wife, either. <br /><br />Now, granted, my sister is also an alcoholic and gay. My parents made her hide that fact from everyone and it was never discussed. Now, however, my dad loves her partner but hates my wife. <br /><br />I want a relationship with my father but I know I can't have a solid one like I wish. I also know that my relationship with my sister has suffered and we rarely speak. <br /><br />So what do I do?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-9312204612342572152014-03-07T20:40:53.674-08:002014-03-07T20:40:53.674-08:00Thanks to everyone for your comments this evening....Thanks to everyone for your comments this evening. On Sunday I have to go visit my narcissistic mother who's now in Assisted Living. I was close to the end of my rope but after reading the comments here, I have been strengthened for the task ahead. I can't wait until my mother dies. Maybe then I will finally be able to heal and enjoy life again. Certainly, having this woman for a mother made me decide to never marry because I couldn't face the possibility of having a child who would hate me as much as I have always hated my own mother. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-17496141001859672642014-01-01T04:41:21.352-08:002014-01-01T04:41:21.352-08:00I thought I was the only one going thru this. You&...I thought I was the only one going thru this. You're the 1st I seen that's has a grandmother like that as for myself my mother is just like that the so called panic attacks. If you ask me my nms is more like attention seeking temper tantrums. My whole life was all about her. I call her the princess. God forbid anyone should ever tell her no. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-20470501911604638322013-11-15T04:08:32.618-08:002013-11-15T04:08:32.618-08:00When my girlfriend left me for another man all I c...When my girlfriend left me for another man all I could think about was getting her back. I was not out of the closet to my family and had lived a straight lifestyle my entire life until recently. My girlfriend cheated on me and moved out of my house when I was away at work. I came home to a <br />letter that didn't even make sense. I had a love spell cast by winexbackspell@gmail.com and within four (4) days she was at my doorstep once again. I was so relieved of Her coming back to me which gave me the strength to tell my family about us and the time we spent apart really brought us closer together than we ever have been! I highly recommend the winexbackspell@gmail.com love spells because they work very well!huitnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-52746121146968211182013-11-12T00:31:43.696-08:002013-11-12T00:31:43.696-08:00I wish I had known what narcissistic parents were ...I wish I had known what narcissistic parents were years ago! I have spent my entire life taking care of and doing things for my parents all to be noticed, loved and appreciated. Now I know it was all in vain and it wasn't my problem but theirs!<br><br /><br />I like others have an elderly narcissistic mother. She is the most irritating person to be around as she only cares about herself. As an example,if she doesn't get enough attention she fakes being sick and exaggerates everything. If she has a headache it is worse than anyone else in the world ever had. Today she felt nauseous and moaned and groaned so loud the neighbors could have heard her. If I left the room she got quiet but the minute I came back it got louder again. It drives me crazy!! She has been nasty to me and says terrible things then denies it. She lies all the time and is NEVER wrong! She never takes any responsibility for anything she does and puts the blame on others. She's sharp as a tack and doesn't have any dementia so that is not an excuse. She can just be awful!! My sister is the favorite and even though she does little in care for my mother she is still the golden one and mother is never is nasty to her!<br><br /><br />My father who has since passed away was an enabler. He babied my mother and let her get away with her behavior. They played their "games" their entire married life, and as sick as it was they thrived on it.<br><br /><br />After remembering painful memories I see her narcissism was well established clear back to when I was small.<br><br />My childhood was ruined by my parents who never bought us toys (but they never did without anything), having a mother who never took care of me when I was sick, picked on me constantly and criticized me for most everything, used me like a housemaid, downplayed all of my accomplishments, and so much more. And then in later years to find out from her that she never wanted me in the first place. That was devastating!<br><br /><br />The things I've learned from all of this is that I will never act like her and will never put my children through what I have gone through. Also, I never treated my children the way I was treated when I was young. I made every effort to be there for them and love them unconditionally. I am a firm believer that you have to learn from the past or you take the chance on repeating it.<br><br />Thanks for having your blog and being reassured to know that I'm not alone!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-35972951825481117442013-08-03T03:50:21.387-07:002013-08-03T03:50:21.387-07:00I have found this blog to be so very liberating, h...I have found this blog to be so very liberating, having only recently realised in my late forties that my own parents are a Narc and an enabler. I have struggled my whole life to understand why my parents behave so badly and why they make me feel so uncomfortable. But reading this blog has helped to explain so much. So many people with so many sad stories. However, hopefully a pain shared is a pain diminished. It seems there are so many poor souls out there with a mother shaped void in their hearts. At the moment it feels as if my heart will never heal and that the best I can ever do is put a plaster over it and move on. But the realisation that there is a problem and that there is an explanation for this problem is a big relief since it stops me feeling I'm the crazy one. Sanity brings peace even if it doesn't change your parents.<br /><br />EyesOpenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-84594218642944446812013-08-02T11:26:55.052-07:002013-08-02T11:26:55.052-07:00About the previous comment
Take heart that you ha...About the previous comment<br /><br />Take heart that you have had someone to show you exactly what NOT to do with regard to being a parent. I have done the complete opposite of what my parents did, mainly just giving unconditional rather than conditional love and am very proud of the wonderful adults my children have become. No it doesn't take much to achieve this but it was beyond the path of choice that my parents took. It saddens and infuriates me alike to think how they ruined my childhood and still attempt to drag me down to their murky depths, but I console myself that they have no more power over me now and I can choose to be free of their malign influence.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-57222496295084635832013-07-16T13:53:00.501-07:002013-07-16T13:53:00.501-07:00On the "forgiveness" question . . .
I&#...On the "forgiveness" question . . .<br /><br />I've tried all the rationalizations to make sense of my Nmother's behavior, but the simple truth is, she wants to destroy my family & the happiness I've fought to establish--b/c it was my doing, not hers. As far as she's concerned, SHE is my only family, & my child is HER grandchild.<br /><br />Many people born in the 1930s had very hard lives but not all of them became like my mother. I'm tired of making excuses for her failings. She's sick in the head, & although she has the means to get the best help, she would never do so b/c she's never wrong. She'd never put herself in a position to be judged or evaluated-although she delights in judging others (usually w/o any basis whatsoever).<br /><br />The older she gets, the worse it gets. She can't remember. She's extremely paranoid. She thinks everyone steals from her (thank g*d I live 15 hours away). After every visit I get calls "just asking" if I happened to take this or that thing that she can't find. She was *positive* that her sister stole a very valuable item, only to find it in plain sight.<br /><br />The latest is that everyone who disagrees w/her is mentally ill-not that she has compassion for these people. She has no compassion for anyone & any compassion others may've had for her is running out.<br /><br />She's misery incarnate, & I keep my family away from her as much as possible so they won't be harmed by her constantly abusive nature. She will never "turn into" a real mother. I have stopped wishing. I look forward to her death, the end of the venom, disappointment & loss. No one will mourn her, only a few will grieve the loss of the person she might've been--mourning what she wasn't.<br /><br />I made peace w/my dead father, but I don't forgive what he did & allowed my mother to do. I pity him, I understand (to some degree) him, I loved him, but he doesn't deserve my forgiveness, & it does no damage to me to withhold it. I don't expect to forgive my mother, either. I've no love left for her. She deserves no pity. She's earned my rage, although I strive for indifference.<br /><br />I hope to outlive her, so don't have to worry what she might try to do to the lives of my child & my spouse w/o my protection & so I can feel the freedom of self that adults w/normal parents have. <br /><br />It really is like slavery-having a parent(s) who believes to their marrow that they OWN you. It doesn't matter how old you are, it never changes. You can be married, have children, it never changes. You can earn a PhD, be wildly successful, it never changes. You can move far away, but it never changes. Your life is never yours, it's theirs. The only way to break the chains is going NC or outliving them.<br /><br />Having a child of my own made it painfully obvious what decent parenting requires-not much. It is no great mystery what to do, what they need, how to treat them. You just have to give a damn that there's a separate little being in your child who depends on you to care about their health & happiness & respect their individuality. And abusing them should make you feel sick and loathsome, not relieved and powerful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-8292614133203255712013-07-16T13:25:25.293-07:002013-07-16T13:25:25.293-07:00Sometimes it's the little things, maybe said o...Sometimes it's the little things, maybe said only once, that stay in my body like a giant fish hook that can't be removed.<br /><br />Like when my parents met my current spouse, & he stepped out of the room, the first thing my mother said to me in a vicious mocking tone w/her thick southern accent, "Whadda yew gonna dew when he leaves yew?"<br /><br />No "congratulations," no "we're so happy for you both"--mind you I was 40, & had about given up on finding the "one" for me.<br /><br />8 years later, our partnership is stronger than ever, our child is thriving, & still, every chance she gets, she tries to tear us apart. She's never once expressed a positive comment about his very involved parenting or the care he takes of me. She acts as if he doesn't exist. If I mention him, I'm "throwing him in her face" yet she laments that she knows nothing about my life.<br /><br />She hates my sibling's spouse, too. For years, she's been convinced that the spouse is poisoning my sibling. The spouse isn't allowed in my mother's house. Now, my sibling has had health problems & hospitalizations & it drives my mother crazy that she can't call the shots. <br /><br />My eldest sibling hasn't seen mom in +/- 35 years. Just after my eldest sibling found a spouse, my mother became convinced that the spouse flirted w/my (now dead) father. So that was that.<br />Over the years, neighbors, nurses, you name it--all tried to "come on" to my father, according to mother. I never witnessed the phenomena.<br /><br />No surprise, my parents had no friends & rarely went anywhere. My mother wanted control & familiar surroundings at all times. When my father became ill, he was like her prisoner. But he had decades in which he could have left. He chose to stay. Why, I will never know. Which is understandable, because I never knew either one of them in any meaningful way.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-67175249441226196402013-07-15T19:01:57.060-07:002013-07-15T19:01:57.060-07:00We're all so pitifully the same.
My parents (...We're all so pitifully the same.<br /><br />My parents (of means) did not attend my son's (their only grandchild) birth. I was 41. They were miffed about, among other things, that my child would have his father's surname, not their last name.<br /><br />When I had a stroke a few years later, no one rushed to my bedside. My health issues were just used as more crises for them.<br /><br />My 80 year-old widowed mother hissed "If you do that, you'll be sorry!" when I mentioned that my domestic partner of 8 years and father of our 6 year-old child might go ahead and get married. Our child had started asking, and we figured, "Why not?" <br /><br />My mother actually thinks she can control me, a 47 year-old professional, r/r/t getting married. She thinks she can cut me out of the will based on marriage. She thinks I give a Sh!t. Her memory is failing. She accuses me out outlandish schemes meant to injure her interests. She is a pathetic defanged, rabid, ailing, paranoid animal. Age has made her ridiculous, but when I was a child and she was in her prime, she was terrifying.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-91240914133622376182013-03-12T11:58:29.241-07:002013-03-12T11:58:29.241-07:00Thank you for the blog. At least now i know that i...Thank you for the blog. At least now i know that i am not alone in this world living in a very miserable life having to live with this wicked women named "mother". She chose to live her life mi$erable and wanted me to follow her. Every life that she touches becomes mi$erable. Started from my dad, to me & my brother and her $iblings a$ well. $he sold her $oul to the devil for money. $he won't care if you're dying in there as long as she knows she will get $$$$$$ from you. She did that to my dad. While my dad was sill fighting for his life & me & my brother was busy discussing over the phone what things could be done just to extend my dad's life even just for a week or two & i could hear her from the background busy asking my brother if i'm sending money & how much. Such a bitch! She even left my father in the hospital so she could start filing for her pension. I was diagnosed with cancer about 15 years ago and needed some money for my surgery & she won't help me until i told her i'm paying her and hat's when she lend me money. So 1 week after surgery, went back to work and paid her. I now call her a murderer. She never liked me. She always tells everybody that i was an unplanned pregnancy, i'm ugly etc. but now that i got a good job & friends with some famous & influencial people in the city, she wants o be part of me now. As if she was there to support me with my struggle & i am where i am now because of her. Everything is just BS. I have struggled and did my very best & i am where i am now because i have sworn to do this and because i know what would be my life living with her. HELL. She cursed me, hoping that i will get very sick and a lot of suffering and she said that i'm gonna have a really bad karma. Hell yeah! To have such a ?mother? Like her is already too much and worst karma one could ever have. It's kind of a relief to know that there's nothing wrong with me. Lol. I thank God every single day for giving me a very loving husband and kids. It's the love that i longed for while gowing up, that i never felt how it feels like being loved. If not for my husband and kids, i would have said bye bye to this universe a long long time ago. Let her grow old on her own. She's living with me but the funny thing is, she's acting like she owns the house & harrasses me too for more money. She wants me to pay for all of the expenses that she incured from the moment she had sex & got pregnant with me etc. i make it just a joke though. I tell my husband, maybe my dad forgot to swipe his card when they had sex. A great business since she never worked. My brother also told me that i should put it in my mind that i don't owe her anything coz she never worked. It's all my dad's money......anyways, it's a great experience and lesson to learn. It's either i become one like her or do my best not to let my kids experience these things. I chose option 2 because i'm the worst daughter one could ever have as far as this bitch is claiming.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-6491329235926703932013-01-30T16:50:00.486-08:002013-01-30T16:50:00.486-08:00Thank you so much for this blog site. I too have a...Thank you so much for this blog site. I too have an Nmother. I now live in another state which upsets her no end. We catch up 2-3 times a year and after only a couple of hours, I'm exhausted, confused and guilty about the feelings I have about her. I struggle that we are so different. If I met her for the first time she's someone that I would never start a friendship with. We have different values on nearly everything and she expects me to change my thinking to hers. She's unbelievably self centred. Now she's getting older she's now ringing around seeing who will look after her in her old age. But she's starting to do it with her check book. So ultimately my brothers and sisters who are willing to sell their soul to her, will inherit. I'm completely cool with that. My souls not for sale to her. She asked me one day, when my husband dies will I move back closer to her?! She has no understanding that for that to happen my husband would have died ... a terrible, terrible loss for me. But no thought to that at all, just when he does can you come and look after me, I'll make it worth your while.<br />This blog site has helped me enormously and am so grateful that others have shared their stories. I was starting to think I had some major short coming as a person, not loving my mother the way others do. The difference being they have loveable mothers...some of us aren't that lucky.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-70709387067619239912013-01-23T15:31:51.504-08:002013-01-23T15:31:51.504-08:00Bless all of you who have shared your feelings and...Bless all of you who have shared your feelings and stories on this site. I have tried to share my own feelings and story about my <br />N-parents-in-law, but find that I cannot yet do so. Suffice it to say, that for more than 2 decades, they were cruel to me. They were very careful not to let my husband, their only child, see them treating me poorly. In their eyes he could do no wrong while I could do no right. Now I am fast approaching 70 (my husband is younger) and they are in their <br />90's, and his family expects me to give up everything in my life so that I can move back across the country to take care of them. I am tired. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-38942923820987270842013-01-13T09:14:49.853-08:002013-01-13T09:14:49.853-08:00cont. from previous post
Now, after my divorce I ...cont. from previous post<br /><br />Now, after my divorce I moved back to my childhood neighborhood where my mother still lives, with the hope to find support and be of support to my aging mother, although she is still in good health. Things were good in the beginning, but started to get complicated now..I began to realize that my mother was a narcissist, too..All my childhood and adult experiences with her became clearer to me, as i realized that..She was always the beautiful, desirable "young girl", i could never measure up to her, she made me feel(and said so, too) that if she could have biological children she wouldn't have to put up with what I made her suffer, her long dead brothers and their children were closer to her, she still pretends that i am her biological daughter, and disapproves me for raising my daughter knowing about her adoption, she tries to blame heredity for every aspect she doesn't like in me and in my children. For many years instinctively i had distanced myself from her, i lived abroad first and in another city when married, she was always upset about that and complained about it..Now i live walking distance to her and we celebrated new year together as a family: me, my children and my mother..i made a large dinner and made it a party that was fun for all of us from age 3 to 80..she didnt pick up a plate to take to the kitchen, she was expecting to be served as the elderly..she stayed with us that night and the next day after breakfast i showed her facebook friends' photos (she knew them as children) with their kids, and i showed my pictures, mostly of children..she was sour and quiet, when i asked why, she said there was no picture of hers as mom or grandmother in my facebook page..i reminded her that she doesnt use computer and no one of her friends does either, i give her plenty of printed photos to share..but no, she started loudly about how i never loved her, accepted her as mother, she wishes to die, etc. in front of the children, too..i managed not to react as i would before, kissed her goodbye later that day..İ didn't apologize, which i usually do to calm her, even though i know i didnt do anything wrong..I'm not always that controlled, though.. and sadly sometimes the children are the ones yelled at instead,so identifying problems helps, however i am just starting to walk the road and it's a long road ahead..<br />i wish to recover from my old wounds growing up in my family, understand better what really happened with my ex-husband (i blame myself so much for everything, when really i was a victim most of the time) and act responsibly and less reactive today, because i really, really want to raise happy and healthy children and wish to end that vicious cycle of cause and effect...<br /><br />i wish everyone best of luck in their quest for happiness<br />May we all be happy!<br />Love,<br />A. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com