tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post5800712229818788457..comments2024-02-16T03:48:53.860-08:00Comments on Narcissistic Parents!!!: Raising OurselvesNinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00794686686970512454noreply@blogger.comBlogger121125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-15873579767397513372022-03-05T03:12:47.654-08:002022-03-05T03:12:47.654-08:00Bicycle Classic 2.2 inch Stainless Steel V4
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Looks like you're done with your bloggi...Nina,<br /><br />Looks like you're done with your blogging experiment. I hope it's because you've said all that you need to say. My own blogging on my n-mom has slowed down greatly, but the other shoes keep on dropping ...<br /><br />Your point about "raising ourselves" is so true. I'm nearly 55, been NC with my n-mom since 40, and I feel like I'm still doing the raising! <br /><br />Thank you.bonsaihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05710936495001427190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-49028823085196458242019-07-17T11:52:41.135-07:002019-07-17T11:52:41.135-07:00If you are still listening, wow--- I am dealing wi...If you are still listening, wow--- I am dealing with a mother in the early stages of Alzheimer's and a man I consider to be the most awful, abusive, toxic, narcissistic father in the entire world. Due to my mother's dementia and my father's resistance and deliberate incompetence, (and an incompetent narcissistic sister living near them) I was forced to bring them halfway across the country to live near me. Every feeling you've expressed about being in your father's presence is 'my' feeling. It's like looking in a mirror. If you ever re-read your blog, please let me know what has happened? How are you? Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16298113757853553806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-20902807585401903472019-05-24T01:26:01.585-07:002019-05-24T01:26:01.585-07:00Woww!! Great information. Nice post thanks for val...Woww!! Great information. Nice post thanks for valuable information. Keep posting.<br /><a href="http://greenglobalsafetysystems.com/safety-courses-in-chennai" rel="nofollow">Safety Courses in Chennai</a><br /><a href="http://greenglobalsafetysystems.com/safety-courses-in-chennai" rel="nofollow">Safety Institute in Chennai</a><br /><a href="http://greenglobalsafetysystems.com/iosh-course-in-chennai/" rel="nofollow">IOSH Course in Chennai</a><br /><a href="http://greenglobalsafetysystems.com/nebosh-course-in-chennai/" rel="nofollow">NEBOSH Safety Course in Chennai</a><br /><a href="http://greenglobalsafetysystems.com/nebosh-course-in-chennai/" rel="nofollow">NEBOSH Course in Chennai</a><br /><a href="http://greenglobalsafetysystems.com/safety-consulting/" rel="nofollow">Safety Audit Consultants</a><br /><a href="http://greenglobalsafetysystems.com/safety-consulting/" rel="nofollow">Electrical Safety Audit</a>daphnemoharahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08776347856988933553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-54626920876215643402018-01-28T02:19:09.671-08:002018-01-28T02:19:09.671-08:00Yes, can relate to a lot of this....had a narcissi...Yes, can relate to a lot of this....had a narcissistic, punishing, sadistic mother who coached her husband to be the same. Never one "I love you" in my whole life. Lots of verbal abuse, and HUGE on punishing. When you're a kid, you think it's because you deserve it and you're not perfect enough. I've read from other sources that sometimes those children become VERY good at something which allows them to get out of the house....Abraham Lincoln for example became an extremely learned, educated man. I became an excellent athlete and would practice for hours on my own in parks or gyms....not a conscious thing to get away, but I was out of the house and away from parents for long stretches of time Except in my late teens I had gotten so good that I was attracting some attention from colleges and that was a threat to a N-mother as I might out-shine her and leave the family circle, so of course they sabotagued, my possible college career. That made them secretly pleased...then decided to pursue a doctorate degree,....BIG mistake to be at home while studying...again I might out-do the parents who never went past high school....lots of abuse at home during the grueling graduate course, finally get the degree and decide to go overseas....mother pouted the whole day I was to leave. I have left but every time I have been on the verge of "making it" something has happened and it's time to look in the mirror to see if I am self-destroying myself to placate my parents. Had an addiction that I am try to give up. Never established a long-term relationship with a woman that lead to something concrete as women alternatively frighten and fascinate me. Have had interest in BDSM, that I have never really pursued..... basically I grew up in a punishment home, so that must be normal, right? ah, the crazy wackiness of a childhood that isn't as it could've/should've been. The blessing of it is that I have become stronger, because whatever doesn't kill you make you so. I have a N-antenna that can spot them a mile away and any narc that shows up, I can deal with because they are poor imitations of my parents. There's been depression, that I am using some natural non-medical things to balance me out.....I am a healer by profession, maybe that helps to.Pluto999https://www.blogger.com/profile/12618110122908452244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-13304107541514945662017-09-03T02:54:21.065-07:002017-09-03T02:54:21.065-07:00Hello, Nina! I'm Alexis. I am also a child of ...Hello, Nina! I'm Alexis. I am also a child of toxic parents. I just started a blog. I started writing my autobiography on it. I am also a Third Culture Kid. Welcome to my blog!Alexis Chenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14430828793375618137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-37033060060567294192016-04-18T14:30:51.313-07:002016-04-18T14:30:51.313-07:00This is the weirdest thing. I put "i had to ...This is the weirdest thing. I put "i had to raise myself" in a search engine and this page was near the top of the list, and it hit home. Bingo. I was always in this mind numbing fog about my parents, my mother specifically. I lived in my internal world and always found validation with things other than family, but to look back on the things I experienced, or really didn't experience with her as my mother, wow, I'm not alone.<br /><br />I really feel like I had to raise myself. She did the bare minimum, but what was particularly malicious about my mother is that she did it in such a way so as to make it seem like she was a good mother, and in some respects she was, and I learned valuable things from her--the good things were really good, like water to a parched tongue, but as I get closer to 30, I realized just how much she didn't do for me as my mother. <br /><br />One of her biggest and most glaring traits is that she was not involved in my education. I was left to educate myself and to take care of myself emotionally and intellectually. Our family was all about her interests, what she wanted to do. She emotionally abused my stepfather into submission, so he serves her, and does everything she asks him to do--he is the workhorse and she doesn't seem to have any guilt for it. She is also an addict. We grew up with her addictions to cigarettes, coffee, and over-the-counter medications, and so much money was spent on those while us kids got the bare minimum, but I saw in an earlier comment a question about narcisisstic mothers treating their sons differently than their daughters, and I agree, because my younger brother was the favored child while I was the scapegoat, and even he started abusing me later in life because he turned out to be a narcissist, too. <br /><br />Anyway, she did not take care of me educationally. No homework checks, no parent-teacher conferences, no talking to me about my education, no supporting me where she saw strengths, and barely obliging me when I did express interest in something, but in hindsight she always hated when I would talk about science, and I realized that it was due to jealousy. She hates that I have a mind of my own. She is jealous of me, and will throw people within her own family under the bus and turn us kids against one another just to keep us apart. And say "the only person you can trust is your mother" while spending much of her life lying to me and manipulating me into feeling inferior, gaslighting me and making it extremely difficult for me to succeed. I have found my life's calling, however, much to her disdain, and she has not shown much support at all for my pursuits. Her problems became evident when I tried to repair relationships within the family--she sat and listened to me, nearly every day for months, in silence over her coffee cup, and when I was done, she systematically started dismantling any image of respect and care that I expressed for her and became the opposite of what I admired about her. <br /><br />That hurt me so deeply because I didn't expect to be betrayed by my own mother. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-56145810631501418512016-01-19T02:26:21.450-08:002016-01-19T02:26:21.450-08:00My newborn kid is with his Narcistic mother 7.000 ...My newborn kid is with his Narcistic mother 7.000 km away from me, what can I do ?arjenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09128888089224792081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-59510631251960034112015-11-06T08:12:41.888-08:002015-11-06T08:12:41.888-08:00I'm all over this blog site and reading the ar...I'm all over this blog site and reading the articles. I"m overwhelmed, and started to cry a couple of times. I'm 57 years old and live with my mom who is elderly, supposedly to take care of her in her declining years. Having forgiven her for so much neglect I just wanted her to be happy in her end years like a good daughter, like a Christian daughter. I think that I haven't given as much thought as I should to her narcissism, thinking that doing so would empower it in my mind. Wow have I made a mistake. I feel as if this woman is swallowing my life. She hurts me every damn day and I keep thinking it's my fault, and here I am getting depressed again, over her. I feel like I need therapy. I feel like I'm 13 again, and she hates my guts again. She does outrageous things and says that I told her to do it that way, when I never would (I'm not bossy). She begins every sentence like this: "I WANT YOU to do...." with this imperious inflection. I would never talk to anyone that way, it hurts. It outrages me the rudeness. She's rude in public to others, especially waitresses. Then goes someplace with my daughter is is as sweet as pie, while complaining bitterly about me! She takes everything as an insult or a complaint about her, even my vaccuming the floor! If I defend myself she's just hateful and hides in her room for days. I think about so many things, and see so many things I never faced before, especially the neglect, the total lack of affection, always with the insults about my hair, my clothing, my weight - I'm 15 pounds over weight, I'm a grandmother!! I'm so sorry to vent like this, it's just unbelievable to read your posts and then to read the co-dependent description. It made me cry. That's me, I never could believe anything I ever thought, never trust my own judgement, spend all my time giving to others, never finding myself. I've had four ruined marriages, never could trust anyone. I feel restrained, as if Im chained to a post and struggling to be free of it but it's too late! Please forgive me for venting like this. Please don't stop posting. The one great thing in my life is my kids and grandkids: 11 other people whom I won't take this to. It's not their problem, it's mine. I didn't raise them like that at all, but poured my need for love into them, all fine people today with good jobs and solid marriages so I think that I broke a trend. I just wanted to add that light to things. Because after reading about narcissism I got so scared that it's me. But I'm not my mother. We aren't the same people at all. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-84171951742608628472015-10-06T02:33:19.697-07:002015-10-06T02:33:19.697-07:00Cant believe that so many people have been living ...Cant believe that so many people have been living my life,Im amazed I thought it was just me and at the age of 56 ,I now know I will never be able to please my aging mother .Without sounding self pitying I feel really sad for the me of the past...I really thought it was me who was never good enough or kind enough ,who should never have left her mother and got married,had a family.Thank the lord I was strong enought to do these things but Ive paid for it ever since "havent I mother"<br />Thank you all for putting your thoughts into words and letting others in to the painfull world of narcissmAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-73674094086267717782015-08-15T09:59:32.199-07:002015-08-15T09:59:32.199-07:00Dear Nina -
How are things now? You are probably...Dear Nina - <br /><br />How are things now? You are probably around my age from what I understand I read in your profile. I am just now beginning this healing journey that was put off by a dependency on my N-mother. I too had to endure being dumped on by complaint after complaint on the phone. I felt poisoned after conversation. <br /><br />I am now getting the silent treatment after really standing up for myself against increased rages and criticism. <br /><br />I hope things got better. I hope it is not too late. cat1101https://www.blogger.com/profile/13823935408439257277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-66634242817193602332015-06-21T21:36:36.425-07:002015-06-21T21:36:36.425-07:00I'm glad to have found this. My parents were a...I'm glad to have found this. My parents were awful to me. My dad worked constantly while my mom physically, emotionally, mentally, and verbal abused me. <br />She used to flick until I cried as a baby because she thought it was funny. She saw nothing wrong with this. <br /><br />She has manipulated me to keep me in her life as long as possible. The only relief I have had lately is finally accepting that I owe her nothing and she is a failure as a parent and ruined my one and only life. <br />If I were forced to live with her again I would kill her to get away from her and the haunting memories. Suicide is always on my mind but I will not give in. I want to be able to rest easy when she finally dies. <br /><br />I know this is morbid, but the N parents must be removed from your life in order for you to heal. They must die and remain unable to undo the slow and painful progress in your life. <br /><br />I will be relieved when my parents die. I will not be attending their funerals either. <br />These thoughts help me rest easy knowing I can only move forward. <br /><br />Good luck to you all. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-48784127027700626172014-12-27T19:24:41.167-08:002014-12-27T19:24:41.167-08:00I also want to add to my post that I am glad to k...I also want to add to my post that I am glad to know that I'm not aloneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-55614347209225977272014-12-27T19:18:59.387-08:002014-12-27T19:18:59.387-08:00I'm not sure if my mother was a classic narcis...I'm not sure if my mother was a classic narcissist. I recently learned that she was committed for a break down at the age of 18. I think she is a mixture of both types if that is possible. She had me bath with her until I was past the age of 5. I actually had to ask to start bathing by myself. She would still barge into the bathroom until I went to college. She would call me into the bathroom and want to have talks while she was bathing or taking a crap. She will try to do this to this day when visiting even though I have told her it makes me uncomfortable. I have 2 older sisters and aN adopted stepbrother one year older than me. I realize that my adopted step father was passive in our raising to keep the peace. But he did not let her totally crazy on his son. Making Tommy the SG and me the GA (Most of the time) me and my sisters took turns being the other SG when we angered her. She would then divide and conquer. But in other ways she was not engulfing. My older sister is 9 years older. My grandad when ailing needed help and only live a half block away. Lynn (the older sister) went to take care of him after graduating. I started staying over there too along with Tommy at the age of 9. Lynn practically raised until she married at 25. I also cared for my grandfather when lynn worked o. The weekends, by the time I was 9 I knew what pills he needed and when based on size and shape. I would also empty urinal bottles, gets water and easy snacks for him while he was left in My care for hours. My mother hardly ever came over. She did cook dinners that lynn would drive over and pick up. This was fine with me, I was scared of her. When Lynne wanted 1 night a week herself, me and Tommy dreaded it. We hated going home. My mother was easy to set off. She would tell us how she never really wanted kids, and what not. She was always yelling. She was always having me come fetch her things and make her cokes. This got worse after Lynn Married and I moved back in with her at 16. When I started dating she made up rules about only wearing dresses to dances. And if anything made me look like a female, I was not allowed to have it because it made me look like my birth father's "trashy sisters" (anytime I did anything that she did not like it was due to this trashy blood) the worst was when I came home from baby sitting for our hair dresser and tried to tell her (while she was in the tub of course) that the hairdressers husband cornered me in the kitchen, pressed himself against me, and forces me to kiss him. She wasn't happy. But she told me to not tell anyone and said I should not wear a v neck t-shirt because it gave men the wrong idea. She would not allow me to quit for 2 more weeks. And we kept the same hairdresser. I could go on. But these are prime examples. She hardly ever beat us, but when she did it involved belt straps, hair pulling and being hit over the head. It's a miracle that my step brother is not a serial killer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-12186556262811065532014-11-18T13:14:07.981-08:002014-11-18T13:14:07.981-08:00I am so glad I found your blog. Please post more! ...I am so glad I found your blog. Please post more! It has been God-sent for me. I have spent more than 6 months looking for some sort of help in the area of mentally-disturbed parentage. The more I read, the more the situations and stories are sounding like my own. Of course everyone's story is different, but your posts help on so many levels that is it finally giving me that light at the end of the tunnel. I don't deserve this treatment (and on the reversal, My mother does not deserve the way I treat her) and I never have. <br />All growing up I felt like I deserved to feel like scum under people's shoes because they only did it half the time so “I must have done something to make them treat me like this”. Or... “they were only joking... why does it hurt my feelings so much? I must be too sensitive.” Guilt trips are how my grandma has gotten most of what she has today… my mother is following her example. I refuse to do it to my future kids. I have to break this chain of guilt and shame before my baby is born next year, I have to save myself! I feel like an ungrateful child for not wanting any contact with my mother or that side of the family… but I just can’t deal with all those negative emotions anymore. I am not property, I am a human being!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-69413075285407006802014-04-07T07:15:19.451-07:002014-04-07T07:15:19.451-07:00Yesterday, I had been experiencing annoyed simply ...<br />Yesterday, I had been experiencing annoyed simply because the children were not reading me. These people were chaotic testing together with communicating together with wouldn't take note of the things I had put together to help you say. Performs this ever in your life take place for you? For more information visit my friends website :<a href="http://www.nurturey.com/" rel="nofollow"><b>Children activity Organizer</b></a><br />Nurturehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15067018985870803116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-37168880001518714032014-02-15T09:34:52.914-08:002014-02-15T09:34:52.914-08:00Wow, loved your answer. Resonates with me very muc...Wow, loved your answer. Resonates with me very much the same story as mine. My mother is italian also. A waste of space malignant, crazy, loud, drama queen , munchausens etc etc. She made out she loved her friends daughter's and stranger's(of the same age as me) MORE than me. Took over with my son stole him off me, first brainwashed him into calling the cops on me told him to say I was beating him!! Because this is what she did to me all my life beat me and verbal abuse then when I got older emotional and psychological abuse in the extreme, sly digs/comments, stalking,whispering in front of me to sister then turning away when I looked, evil smirking @ me got my sister involved in it. Smear campaigns, lying, constant repetition(brainwashing) projection etc etc. When I was 13 she had beat me up pretty badly and I was in pain crying, I couldn't take anymore ran downstairs told her im calling social services(CPS) AND I wanna move into a group home. She ran down and grabbed the phone and told im not or she will kill me!! I think she never forgot this narc are evil and seek revenge even if years later. .So she did when my son was old enough she decided to take him off me cos I wanted to be taken away from HER!! SO SHE PUnished me and got me back!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-90961936698172302152013-07-29T05:30:31.661-07:002013-07-29T05:30:31.661-07:00Ugh! This whole thread makes me feel SO MUCH BETT...Ugh! This whole thread makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER! I have narcs on both sides, mother and parents in law. I've never seen such self absorption. I told my mother that I can't have you treating my kids the way you treat me, of you can't do that then don't come around. She's seen them almost two and a half times this year Easter (that we don't celebrate), when she dropped of a bag of gifts for my son (who is old enough to not care anymore about what his grandmother does), and a funeral. She can't understand why I've been so mean to her...huh? I've never kept my kids from her (or the other grandparents) and I won't push them on her...they just don't care anymore. That's what happens the narc parents parley themselves into narc grandparents...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07975256057578610071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-11339791616435904982013-07-18T22:01:49.129-07:002013-07-18T22:01:49.129-07:00I'm 59 and still raising myself, now that you ...I'm 59 and still raising myself, now that you mention it!<br />I'm slow, but I'm learning! Best regards. You're a very good writer, please write some more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-80240602027302546012013-06-04T18:26:14.782-07:002013-06-04T18:26:14.782-07:00That is very interesting! I really enjoyed your un...That is very interesting! I really enjoyed your unique take on raising ourselves and our parents. I just read this article called "The Problem with Narcissistic Parents" http://www.psychalive.org/2013/03/the-problem-with-narcissistic-parents/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-68480858768791163482013-05-15T11:13:15.080-07:002013-05-15T11:13:15.080-07:00I will be back, I can sooo relate to all of what l...I will be back, I can sooo relate to all of what little I have so far read here. I am 66 and am still having problems with my so called mother. She will sabotage whatever she can in my life. She is 90 & still doing it! Hate to tell anyone who thinks their parent will change how old I & my mom are! It took me until I was 55 though to find out why I couldn't get along with my mom & wanted to choke her every time I was around her. I am much much better but still in counseling about how to deal with her & myself. I can attest to it being a very worthwhile effort however! Like some quote says, the only tragedy in life is die-ing without knowing who you really are! Getting better is it's own reward, for health sake in every way. Dellahopefulnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-3883670572931234652013-04-17T14:44:07.404-07:002013-04-17T14:44:07.404-07:00Hi,
I found your blog and really, really like it....Hi, <br />I found your blog and really, really like it. I have a narcissistic mother and I think my father is very self-absorbed. I've been in therapy a lot and am in a pretty good place with them both, though I really have trouble spending time with either parent. <br /><br />I have so much to say that I can basically say nothing (here). I do have some guilt over not liking my parents that much and not being able to be very kind to them. I know they are giant babies but I don't want to take care of any of their needs--and as they age their needs will grow. That's a scary thought. I've come to a point where I don't long for their approval and I keep my own children shielded from my parents. But I dread dealing with my parents' getting older and calling on me to be compassionate toward them. I don't feel it. <br /><br />The more I raise my kids the more I marvel at what terrible, selfish parents my own were. Not that I'm perfect or even that great. But I do see that my kids need to be listened to and acknowledged and hugged and comforted. And that it's not a burden to do any of those things. And that when they do something, I'm proud of them and tell them so. And that when they mess up, they mess up--they didn't do it to inconvenience me or hurt me. They messed up because they are kids and they are separate people from me and that's it. It's my job to help them not do whatever it was again and to get over it. I'm me and my kids are my kids and I'm the parent and it's my job to love them and raise them. it's not their job to be something, or match something or confirm something about ME. <br /><br />okay, I hope you keep posting. THanks!<br /><br />WAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-59328834273669452832013-03-17T12:53:52.412-07:002013-03-17T12:53:52.412-07:00To everyone who has posted here: Your comments are...To everyone who has posted here: Your comments are so helpful for me to read, because I had the same experience.<br /><br />I highly recommend the book: "The Drama of the Gifted Child", and other books by Alice Miller. Her books are available in many languages. Reading the book will clarify your entire childhood.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839543365284759180.post-27817552988186985982013-03-17T12:49:49.123-07:002013-03-17T12:49:49.123-07:00It's good to read these comments and realize I...It's good to read these comments and realize I'm not alone.<br /><br />I'm 35 years old and my mother is the most destructive, violent, cruel person I have ever known. She terrorized me for almost 30 years, screaming at me daily, telling me how messed up I am, punishing me violently for saying the wrong thing or looking at her the wrong way.<br /><br />For years I felt terrified of everything, totally debilitated, socially awkward, and full of pain. It took me a long time to realize that the problem wasn't me, it was the fact that I had been terrorized by my parents for my entire life.<br /><br />From the outside my mother is the most loving, caring, and gentle person you have ever met. Behind closed doors, the story is very different.<br /><br />If I said the wrong thing at the dinner table, my mother would burst into my room at 3AM and destroy my entire room. She would rip things from the shelves, throw things on the floor in a rage, and scream at me at the top of her lungs. This could go on for hours. Of course I was absolutely terrified. When I was smaller she would hit me in the face, hard, and my father did the same. I remember my father hitting me so hard in the face that my face was bleeding. I was dripping blood on the carpet.<br /><br />My mother also instilled so much guilt in me that I still have problems dealing with it. Guilt for having fun. In my family, having fun was illegal. It was punished severely. My parents are both so violent and full of rage, that to have a happy child in the family would upset the whole balance. It would be like having a happy prisoner in prison. It doesn't work. I haven't been to prison, but I'm guessing that if you were in prison and were happy all the time, the other prisoners and guards would quickly put you in your place. You learn very quickly to shut the F up. That's what happened in my family. If I came home from school with a smile on my face, the first thing my mother would say is "What are you so happy about?", in a very agressive tone. Then she would use this as a punishment. She could take away my happiness, and she knew this would hurt even more. So I learned never to show my emotions at home. I learned to always look sad. If I look at childhood pictures of myself, I can see it clearly.<br /><br />Now when I have fun (for example if I go out and meet girls, or just go dancing at a club with friends, very normal things) I still feel down the next day. BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING BAD. I'm not supposed to have fun. I feel so guilty for enjoying myself.<br /><br />When I was in high school and I stayed at a friend's party past midnight (this is when I was 18!), my mother would scream at me the next day, how I can be such a terrible son. That taught me that having fun was bad. If I brought friends over to our house in high school my mother would scold me (sometimes while they were there!), saying that my friends "laugh too loud", or that they are making the house dirty, and that I should never bring them back.<br /><br />It went on and on. I'm so glad to be freed of their terror. I will never speak to them again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com