Back...Refreshed...Ready

Sheesh. I'm shocked an entire 1.5 years have passed since my last post. Never intended to be away for that long. In fact, I had every intention of returning...quickly.

The best part about blogging is reading and learning from your comments, so I was both astonished and thrilled to find that some old readers continued to share their experiences and that new people have found their way here in my long absence. (Welcome newbies! You are not alone! And you're aren't crazy)

It will take me some time to catch up on all the comments...and the kind, supportive emails that some of you have sent.

So here's the explanation of what caused me to disappear:

My (narcissistic) father got the boot from his assisted living facility. Unlike people with Alzheimers who, for the most part, continue to be mobile, my father has Lewy Body dementia which finally confined him to a wheel chair...after a period of repeated falls. That, the incontinence and his extremely difficult behaviors became too much for the facility to handle 24/7.

I may not like my father - and have finally come to accept this - but I realize that I don't have to love him...I just have to act as morally and as responsibly as I can...which meant finding him another place to live where they would take good care of him. Pronto. So of course I freaked out. If a pricey assisted living facility couldn't handle him, what the HELL was I going to do? After a month of frantic searching and scrambling, I found a board and care run by an amazing Latina woman. Spotless! Homemade meals! Just a few residents! He liked the new place much better...all around a big improvement. It took me a couple months to quit worrying that the owner was going to call and say she and her staff couldn't handle him because he's so mean. WHEW.

Then I got caught up in the whole college tour thing ....then my daughter graduated HS...then I went back to college myself to retrain...then we got daughter settled at college...then I wanted to spend time with my younger daughter who was devastated because her sister and boyfriend left for college at the same time....and on and on...

Suddenly, I actually had a life that - for the first time in YEARS - didn't include phone calls from my father that made me feel horrible or guilty or depressed or furious. His dementia had progressed to the point where his moods seemed to stabilize and he became much, much less needy...probably because he was growing more disengaged.

The last year has been a reprieve from the sentencing that was handed down at the time of my adoption placement...when I landed a needy, childlike narcissistic parent and a self-absorbed adoptive mother. Oh, the freedom! The joy! I didn't have to think (much) about him. I could enjoy my children and my husband. I could go out to dinner and not worry that he'd left numerous, unpleasant messages on the home phone. So I've been taking an unintended break from the whole narcissistic parent thing.

For those of you saddled with a narcissistic parent, you know what I'm talking about...the burden of their existence. So we take our breaks where we can.

There have been some surprising, interesting triggers, though, over the last year and I'll write about that next time.

Since my schedule has changed, I plan to post about once a week...so if you leave a comment, it may take me a bit to respond.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!