Saturday, February 27, 2010

Narcissistic Parents and Therapy

HoldFast read the article about co-narcissism and wondered if anybody had narcissistic parents who'd actually go to therapy. If not, would you dare suggest the idea? As always, please feel free to share your experience/thoughts.

Here's what the author had to say:

Narcissistic people blame others for their own problems. They tend not to seek psychotherapy because they fear that the therapist will see them as deficient and therefore are highly defensive in relation to therapists.........Co-narcissistic people, however, are ready to accept blame and responsibility for problems, and are much more likely than narcissists to seek help because they often consider themselves to be the ones who need fixing.

My father, a childlike narcissist who needed me to parent him, had two distinct traits:
1. Complete inability to listen to other people...to the point it seemed there might be a neurological disturbance; talked non-stop;
2. Total lack of empathy for others; simply could not understand that other people had needs or feelings; (example: when I told him I needed to know where I spent the first month of my life--foster home?hospital?--he said it didn't matter because it wasn't important to him where I'd been);

When I read this bit about blame...the lights went off. My father never, ever took responsibility...for anything. My mother was a blamer, too. She blamed me for making her sick or my father sick.

My father would make bad decisions and later, somehow, blame me when things went wrong. Once, he insisted on having an optional surgery against the recommendation of his doctor and over my pleas not to do it, then scheduled the surgery secretly for the day before my (non-refundable) family vacation. He suffered a complication at home...requiring 24/7 after-care...then blamed me for a) not finding the best surgeon; b) making him stay in a skilled nursing facility and c) told everybody at said facility that I'd abandoned him to go on a vacation.

I grew up hearing the following from my mother:
--You're cold
--You're selfish
--You don't love me
--I think there's something radically wrong with you...how could you ______
--.....and after all I've done for you
--.....after after all I've put you through.

So when Pisces6 wrote the following, I could totally connect.

Getting my parents into therapy? Hah! They're more likely to send me to therapy saying there's something wrong with me. They'll probably be insulted if I ever mention such a thing.

My mother would have happily gone to a therapist....if it had been more acceptable to her socioeconomic class and culture...if she thought the therapist would examine me. I could just imagine how it would play out. She'd sit there and point at me and list all my faults...then gaze expectantly at the therapist...positive he would conclude that I was cold and selfish.

In his later years, my father did have to see a psychologist and guess what happened? He was diagnosed with NPD.

For those of you who don't have time to read the article on co-narcissism (link in previous post) written by Alan Rappaport, PhD, here is the abstract:

This article introduces the term "co-narcissism" to refer to the way that people accommodate to narcissistic parents. I use the term narcissism here to refer to people with very low self-esteem who attempt to control others' views of them for defensive purposes. They are interpersonally rigid, easily offended, self-absorbed, blaming, and find it difficult to empathize with others. Co-narcissistic people, as a result of their attempts to get along with their narcissistic parents, work hard to please others, defer to other's opinions, worry about how others think and feel about them, are often depressed or anxious, find it hard to know their own views and experience, and take the blame for interpersonal problems. They fear being considered selfish if they act assertively. A high proportion of psychotherapy patients are co-narcissistic. The article discusses the co-narcissistic syndrome and its treatment, and gives case examples of patients who suffer from this problem.

26 comments:

rachel said...

I, too, found Alan Rappoport's article illuminating. I would deeply appreciate it if anyone has any advice about how to persuade a narcissistic parent to seek therapy. Said parent is middle-aged, not elderly, and comes from a cultural/ educational background in which therapy is socially acceptable.

I'm not expecting miracles. I've come to the conclusion that if empathy doesn't develop by adulthood, it's probably not ever going to be there. But I cling to the hope that a therapist might tap into my mother's intellect and help her learn some basic cause-and-effect equations such as, "If I call someone names, that person may not want to speak to me the next day," "If I call someone names, that person may not be available to help me buy a car the following week," and "If I go to the home of someone who was just discharged from the hospital and throw a temper tantrum at that person, it may be a while before I am invited back." I've tried reasoning with her along these lines over the years, with a little success-- much less than I'd like, but a little. I imagine a professional therapist could do it better than I do. Tapping into emotions clearly does not work with a narcissist; the emotions are just too self-referential, and any appeal to emotion turns (in my experience, at least) into a festival of self-pity. But an appeal to intellect seems like it might reap positive results in some small, specific ways. Any thoughts? Am I just kidding myself?

Susie said...

I basically gave them an ultimatum: go to therapy or don't have a relationship with me. Your choice. They ended up going because at the core of it all, they "needed me" emotionally and yes, I manipulated that fact. They were also afraid that I had been talking about them poorly in therapy, so I'm sure that they went to "set things straight" and maintain their reputation.

Anyway, I had already been working with my therapist before asking them to come, so she already knew about our family's dysfunction (which I think REALLY helped shield me). They were initially really offended that I asked them to go, but eventually came to believe that they could try to manipulate my therapist. She definitely saw right through them.

The point of bringing my parents into therapy wasn't to try to change them, but to validate my feelings and try to improve my coping mechanisms. People with NPD have to want to change and since they see themselves as perfect/infallible, change is extremely difficult. Anyway, when my therapist tried to address/access their erroneous self-image, they lashed out at me accusing me of being "selfish", "a difficult teenager", and "too sensitive". When addressing the physical and emotional abuse, they denied that it ever happened and accused me of "making it up". This process, even with a professional counselor, really helped me realize that what I wanted deep down was validation. I learned that I can't rely on the narcissists in my life to do that. Validation had to come from within myself.

-Susie

mulderfan said...

My therapist asked me to role play my father and so I said, "F**k you!" He replied, "No I want you to pretend to be your father." So once more I said, "F**k you!" He said if you won't co-operate we can't continue this therapy. I replied, "I am co-operating because if my father were here he would say, f**k you and walk out!" That was my last session with him!

So would my perfect father go for therapy? Not in a million years!!!! And, not in a million years would I let him know I've been in and out of therapy for almost 25 years and am a recovering alcoholic, because there's no way in hell I'd give him that kind of ammunition!

Nina said...

Rachel,

Oh my gosh! You totally nailed the obliviousness of the narcissistic parent to cause-and-effect!

Please feel free...only if you wish...to elaborate on your mother visiting someone newly discharged from the hospital (YIKES!)...I suspect there's an incredible story there. I'll post it. Sometimes, readers come here wondering...is my parent narcissistic? Examples are very helpful.

Anyway, I suspect you'd have to trick your mother into seeing a therapist. You'd have to do all the leg work, right...finding a therapist, setting it up...because she wouldn't go otherwise unless it was under the guise of mother-daughter counseling. I have no idea what a therapist might say about using subterfuge.

I don't know if you have any leverage with your mother that could force her to go...or if you'd even feel comfortable with that.

What if you were to say, call or email Mr. Rappaport and ask him...as the expert? If you have the funds, perhaps you could arrange a paid telephone session/one-off consultation with him or another expert on NPD? It might be worth it to explore the idea further.

Nina said...

Mulderfan,

Okay...that scene is camera ready!

That's pretty damned funny...in a cynical, sick way.

Yeah, totally forget about revealing any problem/vulnerability to your n-parent...because they'll only use it to gut you.

Basically, we can't trust our parents with any real information. They'd either co-opt it and make it part of their drama...or, as you said, use it as ammo.

Nina said...

Susie,

Mmmm....based on your experience and those shared by others...I wonder if narcissists have an especially difficult time dealing with teenagers. I suspect so. My mother was threatened by any new sign of independence or variation in my mood...the normal ups and downs of the typical teenager were seen as pathological rebellion. In fact, I was a pretty compliant teenager...occasionally, I'm sure I was obnoxious...but she absolutely couldn't handle that. So for a decade after that, she harped on what a horrible teenager I was...yet I didn't do drugs or ever get into any major trouble and worked full-time at the age of 17...and was totally self-sufficient after that.

VALIDATION HAS TO COME FROM WITHIN...YES!...that should be our mantra!

Susie said...

Nina,

That sounds very familiar! What I've noticed is that narcissistic parents LOVE infants and toddlers; they're needy, compliant and have very basic demands.
I think that they have a difficult time with teens because they're in the process of developing their own identity. Something that N-parents can't handle since they expect that their children are an extension of themselves.
I was an extremely tame teenager. I never did drugs or went to parties, got good grades... yet my parents were adamant that the difficulty in our relationship was somehow my fault. I once overheard my mom telling my sister on the phone that she "didn't know what to do with" me because I have such a "wild streak".

-Susie

Anonymous said...

she harped on what a horrible teenager I was...yet I didn't do drugs or ever get into any major trouble and worked full-time at the age of 17

The way my dad complained about my sister, you would have thought she was featured on America's Most Wanted. One day I told him that us kids were good kids; no drugs, not pregnant, got good grades, and stayed out of trouble despite his barely there presence. His response was, "That is what you are suppose to do. Why should you be rewarded for something you are supposed to do?" I wished I could have said "that is what fathers are supposed to do" whenever he bragged about providing us shelter and food.

Dad (and to lesser extent, Mom) would complained endlessly that we aren't grateful nor respectful of him. Now I realized narcissists equates "respect" with "submission". It explains why my parents change their mind on a dime about a person. Person A is the best person in the world and literally 5 minutes later Person A is now the most awful human ever, simply because Person A disagreed with my mom or dad. Anytime I or my sister stray from their ideals, it was marked as the deepest betrayal.

As for therapy, I doubt my dad would ever go. My mom did go to counseling several years ago after the divorce and when she briefly lived with my sister. In hindsight we realized she had gone to counseling for 1) a captive audience/supply and 2) to learn new tactics to emotionally beat up my sister. The first clue was when she yelled at my sister, "you are not VALUING what I say!"

Huh? Valuing? She never used that word before and hadn't used it since. She picked up new words from her counselor whom I'm sure was sucked into her woe-is-me-pity party.

Anonymous said...

hi...i just found this website..and it's extremely interesting and helpful since i find myself in similar situations frequently although i am young - 16 going on 17. nonetheless, i believe have a narcissistic parent. i don't know why, but i feel relieved im not the only one out there... my n-mother seems hell bent on guilt tripping me and listing all the things she's done for me. it could be the 'teenage phase', as they call it, im going through but i disagree as she is exrtremely controlling and self-absorbed - to the point where she blamed me for a car accident she had because she was continuously complaining about me. NOTE: at this time i was in an exam during school. i came home to find her waiting for me so she vent out her anger at me and give me a lecture over the problems i'd caused. i'm the reason she has a bad knee, the reason she gets angry most of the time - lets say all bad stuff. i get very frustrated as im not allowed to participate much in outside activities and she very much told me straight up that im not allowed to have a social life.yes, teenage problems but my frustration is beginning to worry me and cut into my abilities in performing in life/school:sleep deprivation. spent many years trying to make our relationship work but how is one possible if there is only one talking and directing it? i at first thought there was something wrong with me and browsed the internet untill i found out what the problem really was. i have a question: is this - narcissism - heridatary? im paranoid that i might have some of their traits.
(mind me, i'm probably babbling but i would very much like someone to answer that question. would give some peace, i think)

Rosa said...

Anonymous,

I am glad you have found this site and feel that your experience is validated. I struggled during my teen years with my narcissistic parents, though I didn't come to realize they were narcissistic until now (I'm 22). Know that you are not going crazy! I don't think you need to worry too much about being narcissistic for the moment because you recognize the problem. It probably feels that way because as you try to claim any sense of self it requires you to be "selfish" in a healthy attempt at self-preservation. I encourage you to read more and become more comfortable and understanding of the unfortunate situation. Pour over this site (it's great!), read the suggested books, and I would personally highly recommend http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ for some of the background information she provides--I am not sure if you are a daughter or not, but the info is still good. Good luck!!

Nina said...

Susie,

Can you imagine what would have happened if we, say, experimented with some illegal substance and got caught...requiring our parents involvement and support? They would have been totally unable to handle the stress...or the responsibility....of helping guide us through a tough time.

I suspect a part of us knew never to rock the boat too much because they would have literally fallen apart!

Nina said...

"Now I realized narcissists equates "respect" with "submission". It explains why my parents change their mind on a dime about a person."

Excellent observation, Enilina! Respect is doing everything they want...on their terms...no middle ground...no compromising...TOTAL CONDITIONAL "LOVE"!

I don't think it has ever occurred to me...and probably to none of you either...to walk out of therapy and use what was said as ammo against a particular person.
To me, it's a deeply personal issue that involves me and how I must change...because I can't change the people around me...just how I react (cliche, but true).

When a person angrily cites their therapist...you know they only went there as part of an odious offensive strategy!

Pisces6 said...

enilina, your parents sound like my parents. My mom said the same thing your dad did when I told her I got straight As for the first time in my life. (I was still in elementary school.) That I was supposed to be doing that all the time. What a way to kill someone's joy at accomplishing something. No wonder I don't bother telling them anything!

'Respecting' and 'listening' to my parents means I need to do whatever they say. Once they have control of me, they use it to control people outside of their direct influence. It's really sickening. When I stopped 'listening' and 'respecting' them, I've betrayed them. Now I'm my in-laws puppet, they say. That's rich. According to them, when I'm their puppet, I'm being a dutiful daughter. When I'm not their puppet, I'm a terrible daughter and a betrayer.

Hold Fast said...

Pisces6,
Boy did you hit the nail on the head for me. I was a straight A student all my school life and, I believe, tried hard to get good grades so I would maybe get some acknowledgement that I was smart, a good daughter, responsible, all those words I longed to hear. As a sophomore I mentioned at the dinner table that my name was in the local newspaper for being on the Honor Role. I was told they put everyone in the school on the honor role, even the dumb kids. Even though I knew that wasn’t true, somewhere deep inside I believed it. That is the last time I brought that up. They didn’t even acknowledge my H.S. graduation and then I was told I wasn’t smart enough to go to college………..and I believed it!!!!

I guess being good teenagers can be a reward to us after we are out of those teenage years and have turned into kind, caring, productive, responsible adults. Congratulations to all who have accomplished that by themselves!!! Be proud of yourselves!!!!!!!!!

Bess said...

My father would (and has) refused to go to therapy...in fact, he won't go for a geriatric workup because, I believe, he knows he'll be told that something is wrong with him besides problems common to older people; something has always been wrong with him and he's afraid they'll pinpoint it. When it comes to a point where he must have a geriatric workup, I'm certain I'll have to ask the district court to order it (i.e., committal); short of being legally forced to do it, he'll never go.

Nina said...

Pisces6,

"When I stopped 'listening' and 'respecting' them, I've betrayed them. Now I'm my in-laws puppet, they say."

My father said this kind of stuff. A lot. People, he said, were always USING me and I was gullible and doing their bidding. Besides being wrong (and a spiteful thing to say), it's such an insidious way of trying to undermine outside relationships by a) accusing the outsiders of trying to control you and b) that your only attraction to others is your servitude and that this is not a reciprocal relationship.

It takes a lot of UNDOING on our part to get rid of this internalized notion that we are being used by others.

It IS totally ironic...it's like projection...onto outsiders instead of us for once.

Nina said...

BILLIE,

What do you think is really wrong with your father that might be discovered in a geriatric workup? The narcissism? Because my dad never seemed to listen or engage in a two-way conversation, several wondered if he had a neurological disorder (ruled out) and one marveled that he was able to hold a steady job!

I suppose there's no way you can ask your dad to name you as his Durable Power of Attorney over his affairs and health in case of diminished capacity? My father did one before he slid into dementia...thank god...but this was easier because I'm an only child and he literally has not one other person in his life.

Anonymous said...

My mother was, at times, both narcissistic and sadistic.
I think the quintessential example would be when my sister and I were young, my mother would run our bath water steaming hot. No amount of protesting, crying or refusing to sit was tolerated. "It's too hot, too hot", we'd scream. She'd flick her hand quickly into the water and angrily tell us it wasn't and we'd better not get water on the floor with all our fussing. Somewhere in my five-year-old mind I realized that it wasn't normal for one's skin to become beet red and feel exhausted after bathing, but I was powerless to help myself.
I didn't realize how damaging this was until, I became a parent myself and, one day made the mistake of not checking my son's bath before I put him in the tub. Of course, he yelled and I immediately yanked him out of the water. I realized at that moment that was the "normal" response to a child in pain. My son was frightened to get back in the bath so I said, "Let's put the cold water in and you tell me when it's comfortable for you." He was fine then.
I think that's illustrates fundamental difference between normal and narcissistic parents. The former is in tune with and wants to know their child's feelings, the latter doesn't believe the child has feelings until the parent tells them what they are.

WarriorMommy said...

When I was in 5th or 6th grade my family went to therapy together as my parents claimed that I was too much to deal with and a troublesome child, despite getting straight A's, and having good behavior in school. Mind you I was labeled as such because I constantly stood up for myself against their abusive and sadistic behavior.

The therapist was horribly unqualified and inept, lying to me to gain my confidence, while telling my parents everything I would say. Meanwhile, my mother would tell me at home that the therapist agreed with her that I was the cause of their horrific marriage problems (physical fights in front of my sister and I) and that I was a bad kid.

I told the therapist all about the disturbing abuse both physical and mental that I endured yet my mother must have been far more conniving and convincing. Whatever N mother told her seemed to diffuse any concern she might have had for my well-being as nothing ever came about and we stopped going after only a few months of screaming tear-filled sessions between all of us together.

I revisited therapy when I was 17 due to an eating disorder, and have been off an on ever since. It has only been recently that I finally had a therapist so blatantly tell me how toxic my mother in particular was that I finally felt validation to what I have experienced my whole life. She helped me to realize that I needed to go no-contact, which I did about 10 1/2 months ago.

I am debating sending a letter to explain my no-contact and give them a window to fix things and actually become a part of their 1-year-old granddaughter's life provided they enter therapy. I haven't been able to get the words just right, and deep down I am wondering if I would be hurting my daughter by allowing them in her life, or if I am hurting her by keeping them away.

They were in her life for the first 2 and 1/1 months and you would have thought she was their child and that they were the perfect parents. But then the narcissism kicked in. Trying to control every aspect of my first-time-parent experiences and hating my husband because he has more experience than her with 2 girls under the age of 5. We ended up manipulated into catering to her needs even though my husband and I worked full time, cared for 2 other kids and our newborn and commuted an hour each way. Which was the straw that finally broke the camel's back, prompting the no-contact.

Now I am stuck with my ever-present self-doubt. Am I making the right decision to keep them away? Am I really doing what is right for my family? I know deep down that I am, but it still is a painful realization that your parents want nothing to do with you, but would steal your daughter away in a heartbeat if they could . . .

Catherine said...

When I was 11 years old my mother went to see my teacher to tell him she suspected me to be on drugs. I did not know what "drugs" was at that time. I vagely heard it had somthing to do with neadles.

I was terrorised by the woman and was beaten up about every day of my young life. She always managed to involve other people in the beatings especially my dad, my uncle, my grandma ect

A year later she started kicking me out of the house, so I used to sleep in underground car parkings.
Kicking me out became a habit and she told people that I was running away from home. This lying was so typical for her, she always turned the roles around (she still does)and of course nobody would ever believe me. Which I can understand, because who wouldn't believe a succesfull, beautifull woman like her.

She went into thera and proud about it so everybody around had to hear it, because "she was somebody who was working on herself". She told people that she had suffered because she had been to good, some kind of a doormat for her mother and her daughter, me.
In the beginning she went there, it gave me hope, thinking she might become "normal". But often when she came back from a session she made it clear that the therapist supported her, and she used his aproval to justify the abuse. I was 13 and was thinking that therapist was just there to get her money, and I hated him for making the evil woman even worse. Of course she played the pity role with him, so maybe the man was just incompetend.

Meanwhile I became 14 and was living in the streets, so I found older boyfriends to provide me shelter and food.

I struglled through life and in my 30's I became a single mum.
When I was pregnant she was "nice" to me, not nice to me as a person (she still terrorises me) but nice so that everybody around could see it, she even painted the babyroom! She also wanted to change the living room tables, so when I told her I didn't see any reason to change these tables and that if she wanted to do something for me I needed other things for the baby, she turned violant again, saying it was her money and she could do whatever she wanted with it! Pushing me to the wall, and grabbing my throat. (just an example between others)

When the baby was born she became the worst nightmare, again. Every word out of her mouth was supposed to take me down.
From the beginning I knew she wanted the baby, and she wanted me out of the picture.
Stupid as I was I let her babysit when I had other things to do and I started realising that the other members of my family were always in her house or around when she was babysitting my daughter
I didn't understand why the rest of my family, uncle's, cousins and brother became mean te me and did not want any contact with me all of a sudden, they were living in the neighbourhood but ignored or insulted me.

So the manipulation, lies and everything she did went in the direction of destroying me and taking my child. She tried to declare me crazy in every way she could, and as usual ... everybody believed the superior woman.

Lots of bad things happened and when I broke dawn, I got depressed, she took her chance and sent me the police saying they had to check up on me because I was a danger to myself, on drugs ect ect.

Catherine said...

So I had no choise, I had to go to work day and night to be able to get out of there and to move far away. She had my babydaughter for that time, and as soon as I could I moved a 120 kms further.
She went crying everywhere "after all I’ve done for her" .I was taking her granddaughter away from her.
People started calling me saying I was a monster, I was paranoid and sick ect ect My poor good mother ....
She found out where I lived and out of nowhere she was nice (trying to manipulate me)
I knew she hated me for moving and taking my child with me instead of dying but this was still her goal.
I kept my distance and hoped we could stay at this level, so she could't hurt me and I was managing her manipulations.
The only reason I tried and tried was because secretely I still had the hope for my daughter to have grandparents and family.
Impossible in the end, and I could see with my eyes wide open how she was going in every way to try to get me down, and then there was one I didn't see coming concerning my dog. Yes she found the weak spot ... I was broken about it and she took over my life for a couple of days ... trying to put me even lower, and all of a sudden my brother and aunt were in the picture again?!? (after years). She had won her first batlle and was putting the army for total destruction in place, I could just see it happening, it happened a thousand times before, but she was messing with my head and my mind.
It was very very hard to get out of the spot she put me in again, but in the end I finally got her out of my house and my life.
So for the moment I'm getting "nice" mails, saying how sad it is when a grandmother misses her grandchild ect ect ...
I am so happy that I had the courrage and determination to say NO I don't want you here, and No I will not play your Christmas-games.
So for now ... I'm alone and safe ... but I know there will be more to come.

Anonymous said...

I know this is an old post, but I'm just discovering the true nature of my N mom and my co-N dad...

This thing about therapy...wow, do I have a bit of a story to tell. My N-mother (who was raised by her single N-mother) was sent to therapy as a child as my grandmother was oh-so-sure my mom was entirely crazy. They ended up telling my mom that the real problem was her mom and that her MOM was the one who needed the therapy.

Fast forward 20 years...my mom is oh-so-sure that I am entirely crazy. She ends up sending me to therapy in which they ended up telling me that MY mom was the problem and the one that needed therapy.

All in all, my grandmother never went to back to therapy. Ironic as it is, MY mother never went back to therapy either. This is a 3X generational issue that has been passed down in *exactly* the same format. It's mind blowing. Of course, the funny of it is, my mother has no indication whatsoever that her actions ever mimicked that of her own mother.

ap said...

Thank you for for web site like this we all children of Narcissistic Parents need support from each other ...we will heal with time I hope not to make make mistake with my kids ,that is way I'm starting therapy for my kids!!!!! I have to understand my mother sickness I have to forgive her I'm far from that yet but hope to be there one day because she is my mother... and she does not now she is sick,the whole thing is so sad when you love your mother so much but have to stay from her so far because each time you get to her too close she blames you screams - hurts you so much... the only option you have is to stay from her !!!! crazy !!! best luck to all

Anonymous said...

maybe someone can help me, i saw a comment about NPD parents loving kids, this i totally agree with! but let me give you my back story in short. my mom was a saint i don't know how she managed my dad, he destroyed her soul and spirit! my dad has always been difficult to put it mildly, i rememberfrom a young age what kind of mood he would be in just by how he closed the car door! my dad makes up a lot of crap and then believes it, and i must just concur. my brother died at the age of 17 i was 19, i think my dad lived vicariously through him, but he was dad's blue eyed boy, fast forward a few years i got pregnant and came home to very happy parents because they needed something after the death of my brother, my dad changed a bit when he died, he was softer, i thought he'd changed, then my daughter came along and he changed further and i thought wow, if only I had gotten that kind of treatment! then my mom got cancer, and he started to change back to the man i knew growing up she died 4 years ago, and he has been a victim (worse than usual) ever since. then he became even worse because i got married, how dare i??? and i had my son. there is such obvious favouritism it kills me! my daughter takes on a lot of his crap they are very close but my son doesn't get the same treatment, and then he lies and tells people how much he loves my son! yet when i say to him that both my kids must go away with him, he can't only take my daughter, he refuses! i offered to drop my son off so he could spend an afternoon with my dad and he still hasn't responded to that, that was 2 weeks ago. so WTF, and then i found out he isn't even my real father, and i have yet to bring it up with him, would it even be worth it????

Anonymous said...

Please please please, don't leave your children with him. He is toxic and you need to protect your children from him. He wont change, but the children will if they are exposed to him.

Think about this.

I wish you well.

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD.

"Getting my parents into therapy? Hah! They're more likely to send me to therapy saying there's something wrong with me. They'll probably be insulted if I ever mention such a thing.
"

I have been to 16 therapists, hospitals all my life WHEN I AM PERFECTLY HEALTHY and my mother is the one that needs the therapy. I have never learned or taken anything from therapy except that my mother is the problem and that I need to escape. Though the more I try, the more she pushes me into therapy and says I am bipolar or my brother or stepfather or anyone who disagrees with her is bipolar. If I am having a good time, SHE WILL make me feel like I am an asshole and laughing is forbidden in her house.

I was also obligated to be her personal therapist whenever sexual or any other problems occurred with her and my stepfather.

Just reading more and more of this blog makes me realize how freakin nuts my mother is and how much therapy she probably needs and will never get.

Ungh!